Opinion: Modesty in the Modern World?

By Georgina Wraith

As a woman, I grew up with everyone having an opinion on my body and how I dressed. I was always too fat or too skinny, prudish and frumpy or slutty and attention-seeking. The world taught me to seek male validation, so I always went for the latter. In my mind, at least boys would like me more. Now, at the ripe age of 21, I’m finally discovering the ability to dress in a way that makes me feel beautiful. 16-year-old me would never believe this, but I chose modesty.

A fun summery dress I borrowed from my roommate. The top is technically a beach cover-up, but I like how it adds to my outfit. 2. Another example of a beach cover-up being added to my outfit to make it more modest (and more fun). 3. Layering at its best. This skirt is actually a dress, but the top doesn’t exactly fit me, so I added two layers on top. 4. More layering.

I never felt truly comfortable when dressing for male attention. I felt stared at, judged, and insecure—like I was always competing with the girls around me. But I did it because I thought showing off my body was the only way to be beautiful. All the girls around me were dressing that way, and they always looked super cool. The internet was screaming at me to do it, magazines were screaming at me to do it—so, I did it.

And guess what? I got the male attention that I wanted. Lots. And it was great for all of five seconds, until an insecure thought popped into my head and I needed another man to check out my boobs in this top. A very valuable lesson I’ve learnt in university is this: male validation should not have such a chokehold on female worth.

(Left) Modesty doesn’t mean every inch of skin has to be covered. Here I was out with my friends at a bar, and I wanted to dress up, so I put on this beautiful off-the-shoulder top. I had the tops of my shoulders showing, but still felt like I was keeping my body sacred. (Right) Modesty does not mean unflattering! This dress made me feel so beautiful, elegant, and really flattered my body without relying on my cleavage.

I am a staunch feminist and always have been. I thought the only way to be a feminist was to take ownership of my body by showing it off. “Owning my sexuality” is what it was called. My mindset has changed a lot. Now, I take ownership of and pride in my body by keeping it sacred. Not any random man gets the privilege of staring at my phenomenal boobs. To me, being a feminist is stopping the innate right most men seem to have to sexualise me as a woman. I am not, first and foremost, a sexual object—I am so much more than that.

I know modesty is a super unpopular opinion right now, and honestly, if you asked me a year ago how I saw myself dressing, it was not like this. Most young women in my life do not understand why I choose to do this. I do not expect them to, because this all started with my faith, which is always a personal journey. I understand that modesty was used in the past by various institutions to force women into a box. But unfortunately, I think the same thing is happening with sexuality. Now, women are being pushed to over-sexualise ourselves. And who does this please the most? Once again, men. I, for one, am done with dressing to please other people.

(Left) I turn all my tops around. Not only does this give me more use of my clothing, but in this era, it's almost impossible to find a top that isn't extremely low-cut. However, the back is usually high! I felt the outfit was a bit too boring at first, so I grabbed some safety pins from my roommate and pinned the skirt up. This added far more dimension to the skirt and makes fashion fun! (Right) I bought this denim waistcoat before this modesty journey started. Before, my boobs would have been popping out the top, but now I add a little layer underneath to make it a bit more child-friendly.

Societal standards, I’m not going to dress the way you want me to. My value as a woman does not lie in my appearance and ability to attract a man’s attention. Each woman can choose how she wants to dress for herself. We need to be done with the slut-shaming and the prude-shaming and all this nonsense that defines our worth based on our appearances.

This is an invitation to try something new. Step out of line with me. It’s actually really fun going against what everyone tells you to do—I promise. I have never felt more beautiful than I have in the past few months. Modesty has helped me truly embrace my femininity. I don’t get as much direct male attention as I used to, but I can live with that. It’s helping me not define myself by other people’s standards.

(Left) Make use of accessories and fun pieces. I spend more time thinking of funky outfits (I love the term dopamine dressing). I try to buy individual pieces that are more fun and add things to them (eg, brooches like in this outfit). (Right) I’ve never felt more classy on campus than in this outfit. I felt like my mom, who I’ve always thought looked elegant. Now I truly felt elegant.

Modest dressing doesn’t mean wearing a burlap sack that has no shape or style. Modesty has made me more creative with my fashion, since I have tucked away my previous focal point. I play with shapes and colours. I’ve been pinning and layering. I wear things backwards and upside down. I have so much fun with it.

Modesty has been freeing. For the first time, I can run without a boob popping out.